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 Post subject: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:12 pm 
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Avast ye Mateys and welcome aboard! This here be the Scurvy Dog and ye can be drinking yer fill of rutgut Rum till ye pass out and I collect what ye owe while ye snooze.
So hoist yer colors and grab yer mugs, bars open.
:pflag:
:pcheers:

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:12 pm 
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Yay!


Er . . .


Arrrr!


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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:42 pm 
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Yarrr, tis been a long day it has, time to empty a few good bottles of Rum. Drinks are on the bar.

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:46 pm 
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Give me the bottle ye lubber and keep em coming, arrr.

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:20 pm 
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Talking to yourself is a bad sign.


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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:15 am 
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Zeute wrote:
Talking to yourself is a bad sign.


Aye, and answerin' meself is even worse. :pflag:

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 8:58 pm 
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Just sweepin out the cobwebs so them lazy spiders have to build em again

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:53 pm 
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Yarrr, tis a glorious day here, clear sky, good winds and not a Navy Destroyer to be seen.

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 2:43 pm 
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BARKEEP! What's it take fer a Pirate to get a real drink in here? Yarrr :pcheers:


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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 11:33 pm 
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Drinks are free but it's serve yourself matey.


Try and not break the good crystal without a good reason & join us at the top of the page sometime :pcheers:


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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 7:46 pm 
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I thought it was the pretzels and crackers that were free, no wonder i can't make any money here. :pcheers:

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:50 pm 
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This place needs a jukebox


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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:56 pm 
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Just remembered that we can embed



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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:25 am 
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Kids on Science


When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:33 am 
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Interpretations of nature

From junior high, high school, and college test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers (spelling errors
preserved)....

"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for severral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:57 pm 
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[URL="http://www.explosm.net/comics/1844/"]
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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 1:21 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:43 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:54 pm 
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Deep Thoughts
By Jack Handey


Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.


Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word
itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words -
"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's
why so is mankind.


I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some
good ideas.


It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.


I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned
him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped
skin Bob."


I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is
they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What
was THAT?!"


The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.


Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite
and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny
plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like
ambition.


I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors
came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a
good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."


If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger,
screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I
guess I'm a coward.


I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every
culture, is the story of Popeye.


When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if
they ever press charges.


To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography, and the dancers hit each other.


What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save
a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.


We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at
them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.


Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of
striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.


I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was
free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending
he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.


To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went
to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was
very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A
HUMAN HEAD!!


Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been
painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make
a child look like a deer.


If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.


Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his
head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.


You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who

makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.


Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm
myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell.
When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left
on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's
head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot
better, and no harm done.


If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets
right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.


If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to
keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build
to that.


If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe
you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey,
free dummy.


I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I
bet you can really see it in those genitals.


Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones
neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh,
because what is that thing.


He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he
made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she
disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to
dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he
told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."


The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me.
I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and
drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some
trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played
whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called
"Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I
guess some things never leave you.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
"God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to
tell him is "Probably because of something you did."


Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world
is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding
on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.


As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta
said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should
write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started
saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I
thought I was lazy!


One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take
my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He
cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty
good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was
getting pretty late.


If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think
liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong,
though. It's Hambone.


Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what
her dinner tasted like.


We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we
wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he
picked up in town.


I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to
town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.


As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I
thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was,
and how I named him Flint.


If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.


Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she
fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends
are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you
were swimming.


When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school
we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one
of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a
bear.

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 Post subject: Re: The Scurvy Dog is open.
 Post Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 4:18 am 
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